 |
| Our Last Christmas with Richard; December 2006 with Gina (L) and Tano (R) |
We know for a fact that we will be cooking large family meals for 10 to 20 of our not so closest relatives for at least a week, the kids will be out of school, nothing to do until the day after Christmas where they will most assuredly be yelling at the new game they just got because they still can’t beat it! Five different relatives will be sitting on the couch looking for someone who can tell them when dinner will be ready,as they change the channel to yet another football game. Yes ladies and gentleman this is what the holiday season has become. And as I look back that’s what it always has been for me. Married for 15 years, divorced for two, I have had two very quiet Christmas's, not lonely, just Q U I E T and I have quite enjoyed them and it has given me pause to think about what truly matters. Oh I know we all know in theory what truly matters most all through the year but especially on Christmas, or Kwanza or Hannukah or whatever you practice because this is not a blog about Christianity, Judaism or remembering your roots. This particular post is about the art of being grateful, remembering those you once loved who have gone far away or are no longer here to love, its about the truth of the season that we all try desperately to push away and deny we feel.
For me, it is called The Last Christmas in Heaven. That one memory that you just can’t erase, that one person who always managed to bring a smile to your face no matter how bad you wanted to smack them. That one you could not WAIT to see bound down the stairs and whisper “is every body up, is it time to open our presents yet” that one time that if time were kind, you could go back to, that one feeling, that one person, that one infinte moment where everyone was happy, no one was yelling, the only tears were tears of joy over getting and unexpected gift, the smell of the fireplace, the chill of the weather, yes even in the south. For this my love, my one true love, the only man I will ever love truly, deeply and unconditionally. This is for my son Richard may he rest in peace. How he died, when he died, where he died is irrelevant, what is important is the memories he left behind.
Everyone loved Richard or hated him, its like opera and mincemeat, you can’t kind of like it, you can’t kind of hate it. Those who hated my baby were the ones who couldn’t understand how he thought, why he was always so happy, why he got all the girls and never realized they were even looking, how he got to be on the wrestling team, the bible club, the DECA club and show choir, hold down a job at pizza hut AND go to bible school all in the same school year! Those who loved him knew absolutely why, Richard loved everyone, Richard lived to see you smile and if you were sad to find a way to bring you out of the ashes and into the rose that lay inside that he knew was in you. Richard loved to eat and this is what fueled my passion for cooking, I would bring cookies and cakes and cupcakes and special projects to every single school event. One year we had a medieval theme to do and somehow I managed to find something they ate in the middle ages and make kids like it – Yorkshire Pudding with Rare Roast beef and Horseradish. I LOVED it when the kids were all over my son because his mom could cook. Richard was a fantastic friend to you but heaven help the one who crossed his friends and broke their hearts, hell hath no fury like a boy in love. My son loved deeply and passionately and yes obsessively when he loved and it turned the girls away but it made me happy because at least they were leaving my son alone
Richard had a bright future ahead of him, he scored a 98 on his military entrance exam and the Navy wanted him desperately for their nuclear engineering program, but after looking at being on a submarine for 6 months and all the math he would have to do to pass to get into that field he declined and instead went into the Army. It was that year, that last year, that last Christmas that I would repeat if I could, the last time I saw my baby on a holiday; by Thanksgiving 2007 his life here on this earth would come to a tragic end. It took 3 years to get over his death and still sometimes when I dream, I dream of him and he is sitting on the footstool, me on the couch, his dad in the chair, his brother beside him, his sister playing with her new toy. And he says to me clear as day
“Mom? Do you like what I got you”
to which I reply
“I LOVE IT”
and he says “when are we going to eat?” and all is well with the world once again
“Mom? Do you like what I got you”
to which I reply
“I LOVE IT”
and he says “when are we going to eat?” and all is well with the world once again
Remember those you love, remember those you cherished at one time even if they are far away, think kind things of them and wish great things for them because once this life is over, you don’t get a second chance to say I love you, I don’t know what I did to deserve you, you make me smile. The important issue surrounding the holidays is that Peace in Life that eludes us all throughout the year, may you all find it and be blessed
The Kitchen Gypsy
December 27th 2006 - Our last family Christmas with Richard
